A Beginner’s Guide to Shadow Work

What is the Shadow? It sounds Scary 

The Shadow Side, aka our Dark Side, is a psychological term introduced by Carl Jung, for things about ourselves that we can’t see, don’t want others to see or what we avoid resolving because it’s painful.

The shadow is the part of us that holds negativity, fear, shame, guilt, unhealthy behaviors, beliefs, and perceived weakness. It is our Inner Critic. What is denied, suppressed, and hidden within us becomes part of our shadow. It creates a harmful and hurt filled separation from loving who we are and causes parts of us to shrink away and hide, not only from others, but more importantly, from Self. 

It can suppress and distort our truth, our voice, our power, our boundaries, our self-esteem, and our self-worth. We usually have a sense of it. It’s that nagging feeling of uncomfortableness that follows you around. You know it’s there and you know it’s working against you, but it’s hard to face. Instead, the rationale becomes “If I don’t look at this, I don’t have to feel that”. 

Many of us go to great lengths to protect ourselves from our inner dark side because it’s scary and negative. It feels hard and it takes us out of our comfort zone. Sometimes, it’s much easier to blame something or someone else so that we don’t have to look in the mirror. We all have a shadow side to varying degrees based on our experiences. A lot of what we carry is rooted in childhood and shapes our behaviors and beliefs about who we are. If we have lived through trauma and abuse, chances are the shadows run deep and long to be Self-loved back into the light. 

Balance is Everything

We often tend to think of the light side as ‘good’ and the dark side as ‘bad’. In fact, both are equally important for achieving balance. Think of it like day and night, which is the natural rhythm that we experience every single day. Daytime is active, awake, movement, growth, nourishment, and outward recognition. Nighttime is quiet, stillness, resting, rejuvenating, healing, and going within to the dreamtime for reflection and processing. It’s a completely natural and necessary rhythm and we can’t live one without the other. 

The turning wheel of Spring and Summer call in a time to enjoy more active hours in light and during Fall and Winter, more hours in the reflective stillness of dark. Nature embraces and welcomes the changing seasons and understands the need to go dormant, to go within, to process what needs to release and die for fertilization of the soil in preparation for the coming renewal. There is a natural cycle of light returning to germinate the seeds and in turn, celebrate the growth and harvest of what nourishes, comforts and protects.

Our light side and our dark side are truly a natural cycle on the Wheel of Life that should not be avoided or feared, but rather embraced and integrated. We are light. We are dark. 

Why Is Shadow Work Important?

Shadow Work connects us to ourselves and offers a deeper understanding and reflection for standing in the truth of who we truly are. It releases us from the trappings of guilt, shame, blame, fear, and pain. It makes us stronger, improves our relationships, offers better boundaries, self-love, self-worth, resilience, and balance. Shadow work teaches us how to Self-mother in a positive, healthy way. It allows us to integrate both the light and the dark into wholeness. It allows us to heal.

I often think of the shadow as our inner Dark Mother. As an adult, you have a responsibility to Self-mother. You are the one that prioritizes and cares for you and your needs, who will protect, nurture, love, comfort, and nourish YOU. All those things that make you feel loved, seen, safe and to know that you belong. That should be your Self-loving foundation from which you do all other. The Dark Mother comes out when we don’t do these things for ourselves. For many, The Dark Mother may be the reflection of your own mother. 

Here are some of the common issues that arise when your shadow takes the reigns and becomes out of control:

  • Lack of confidence and self-esteem

  • Weak personal boundaries

  • Hypocrisy

  • Lies and self-deceit

  • Uncontrollable rage/anger

  • Emotional and mental manipulation of others

  • Blaming others

  • Greed

  • Addictions

  • Phobias

  • Obsessive compulsions

  • Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

  • Intense anxiety

  • Chronic psychosomatic illness

  • Depression

  • Suicidal tendencies

  • Sexual perversion

  • Narcissism

  • Chaotic relationships

  • Anxious or avoidant attachment styles

  • Codependency

  • Self-loathing

  • Self-absorption

  • Self-sabotage

  • Fear of judgment

  • Laziness/Procrastination

  • Scarcity mindset

These negative qualities and emotions will often show up as a projection—what we deny in ourselves, we see in others.

Before You Step In

First, know that Shadow Work isn’t easy, and it can take some time to process through some of the layers. It requires patience and compassion. Before you commit to addressing what lies in the shadow, check yourself to make sure that you feel ready. Taking initial baby steps is probably a good idea. 

Suppressed emotions and memories of old wounds can, and probably will resurface. Do you feel strong enough to deal with that on your own? Do you have a support system? A trusted confidant? It’s recommended to do shadow work with a professional therapist if it’s more than you can deal with on your own. This is about Self-care and Self-love. Make sure you put your Shadow Work in a place of honor and respect. You need to feel safe. 

Second, understand how important it is to be in your optimal frequency field so that you are grounded and balanced. What does that mean?  We are all made of energy. We radiate out energy and we take in the energy from the people and environment around us. When you do shadow work, you want to be in your personal high vibration, parasympathetic frequency field so that your energy is strong and stable enough to do the work.

The Nervous System: Parasympathetic vs. Sympathetic

Strive to live in your optimal frequency field as much as possible. 

When we address our Shadow Side, we need to SEE IT, we need to SIT WITH IT, LEAN INTO IT and TRANSMUTE IT into a healthy release. For any real transformation to take place, it really needs to be integrated through the bodies parasympathetic nervous system. This lays the foundation for change.

Most of us live to some degree in a sympathetic state – meaning fight or flight. We feel a lot of stress and tension, things make us anxious and tired, our minds are always racing, we’re rushing from one thing to another, one problem to another, we stay preoccupied while shoving down a meal, we keep ourselves busy, maybe we have difficult relationships, our job is stressful, and we rely on various addictions to medicate and soothe us. This state of being also makes our shadow rear up and demand attention while making it nearly impossible to work with our underlying shadow issues in a healthy manner. 

What happens to the physical body? The sympathetic nervous system’s JOB is to prepare us for a stress related situation – whether physical or emotional, by reserving some of our energy so that we can have an instant output of adrenaline as needed to either fight or run away.

Our body perceives any kind of stress as danger. It doesn’t care what it is, it’s stress and that means, ‘I’m in danger’. The adrenaline response is important when we need it, because sometimes we really are in danger, but what about when we’re not? What happens when unresolved issues get triggered? We experience a sympathetic reaction.

When we are in a sympathetic state, the body shuts down. It stops regenerating, detoxifying, and healing itself. Our digestion shuts off, so we are not in a state where our food can digest and nourish us. Our adrenals work overtime because they are our stress management glands. When the adrenals become over-worked, you are left feeling exhausted and depleted and that can lead to all kinds of chronic physical and emotional problems. 

Think about what is happening to you when you are stressed out all the time. You’re not relaxed or healing and regenerating your body. You’re not digesting your food. The body starts holding and constricting and the energy gets bound up. Organs are depleted and begin to break down. It becomes more and more difficult to manage your life and your health. 

When we are experiencing fear, trauma, abuse, danger, etc., we are in a sympathetic state. 

The goal is to have self-awareness. We must understand that we cannot manage anything well at all when we come at it from a sympathetic state because we are perceiving some sort of danger. We experience a reaction, rather than a mindful, healthy action.

Our body is meant to live in a parasympathetic state most of the time, and to call on our sympathetic response when we are in actual danger.

It’s vitally important to choose to be in a relaxed, calm, centered, present, parasympathetic state as much as possible. This requires awareness and regular self-checks. You can see the importance of being mindful about this. 

When we spend too much time operating from a sympathetic, stress-response frequency field, we experience an over-active central nervous system (CNS).

Some indicators for an over-active CNS can be found in the following list of symptoms. The more you have, the more stressed your nervous system. 

·      Emotionally anxious

·      Emotionally depressed

·      Feeling unsafe in the world

·      Cold in the body

·      Light sleepers

·      Tired / fatigued

·      Difficulty losing weight

·      Lower back pain

·      Dry skin/ skin problems

·      Brittle nails

·      Dry hair or hair loss

·      Digestive problems

·      Bloating, acid reflux

·      Muscle tension/pain

·      Headaches

·      Sensitive to sound

·      Sensitive to light

·      Hormonal imbalances/women heavy periods

·      Inflammation in the body

·      Autoimmune System illnesses

Shadow Work Prompts  

There are many ways to do shadow work on your own. All shadow work centers on bringing your unconscious thoughts into conscious awareness by examining and questioning old stories, feelings, and beliefs.   

  • Create Sacred Space. Shadow work is a deeply honorable and respectful gift to Self. Reflect that intention in your living space and allow it to be beautiful. Creating an altar is a powerful way to focus and direct meaningful energy on this work.

  • Be Kind and Gentle to You. Remember, shadow work takes as long as it takes. Make a commitment to nurture, comfort, protect, nourish and listen to yourself. For some, this may be a bit unnatural. We can be really good at taking care of others, but not ourselves. It’s a good time to realize how important you and your feelings, emotions and needs are. Take all the time you need. You matter.

  •  Keep a journal. Writing is a powerful tool for us, particularly as women. It enables us to connect with our intuition, our higher wisdom, and also with the Divine.

Find yourself a blank journal or notebook, and designate this as your shadow journal. Start recording your thoughts and feelings each time you become aware of them. This might include any moment you feel triggered, or find yourself projecting or repeating patterns. You may also want to journal on your reactions and emotions in certain situations, as well as your everyday struggles.

Writing all these things down will help you notice patterns and themes occurring in your world. This process will take you on a deeper, inward journey. You can clarify which patterns and behaviors support you and which ones disempower you and need to be released. This will heighten your awareness and support inner transformation and growth.

Be Willing to Explore Your Feelings and Emotions

It’s sometimes easier to avoid feelings and emotions. They can be uncomfortable and even frightening. Shadow work lovingly holds our willingness to look at this. 

Here is a shareable link to '20 Questions to Explore Your Heart's Desire & Intentions' to help you connect more to your heart and your feelings. I encourage you to allow what comes up and see if you can lean in just a little more. 

Meditate Regularly

Remember, we need to be in a parasympathetic state as much as possible. Meditation allow you to connect with your higher self, your inner world, your body, and your intuition. It slows you down and plugs you in to the Universal energy that holds the answers you seek for healing.

I created a Full Body Scan Meditation for you to try. If it resonates with you, it will be a wonderful tool to help you in creating a daily ritual of self-connection. A morning meditation is a wonderful way to start your day by centering, grounding, connecting, and expressing from your optimal, parasympathetic frequency field. 

Before you begin:  Allow a good 15 minutes to be in sacred space. Make yourself comfortable, relax, get quiet and prepare to check inward. This is your time to listen and respond to your Inner Goddess/Inner Child/Higher Self. It has a lot to tell you. 

PLAY THE FULL BODY SCAN MEDITATION

Create Sacred Art

Expressive art creations are a powerful way to tell your story and process your journey through shadow work. My Medicine Doll creations began in this exact way. I discovered that I could work many of my personal shadow stories into the doll and allow Her process of becoming to transmute the energy and change the outcome. The Medicine Dollmaking process is a full journey of stepping into the shadows to face and confront what lies there and lovingly bring Her back through the darkness into light. 

Embrace the light & dark within

If you seek more inner peace, clarity, healing, and transformation, shadow work offers all this and more. All it asks is you find the courage to show up, practice awareness, and commit to doing the inner work that so many of us avoid.

You’re not alone. We all have a shadow side, no exceptions. We’ve all been through our own struggles and traumas. But the more you practice awareness and acceptance of your darkness, the more you will step in to living in your truth with a sense of freedom and self-love.

Love and blessings,

Jerri

Links:

About Jerri

I consider personal shadow work as having saved my life. I surprisingly stumbled upon it in my mid-thirties when I found myself sitting with my first spiritual teacher Jackie Livingstone, who not only taught me a lot about the Earth Medicine Ways, but also introduced me to my Shadow and the importance of standing strong and facing my dark side with courage. 

My early years as a little girl, into adolescence, and out into a big, frightening world as a naive fifteen-year-old was met with a mountain of trauma and abuse. I had a strong sense of survival, but I also learned to cope with the danger by internalizing fear, shame, guilt, isolation, abandonment, poor judgement, unhealthy relationships, and a hefty dose of low self-esteem. 

It was a heavy burden to carry around as I tried to act and feel ‘normal’. 

Those formative years offered a deep conditioning of belief by those who had power over me. I had no means to express my true self and when I tried, I was instantly suppressed. I pretty much bounced from one unhealthy environment to another, because it was what I knew. 

I never felt good though and I really wanted to. I wanted, more than anything, to break free of all that was holding me down and making me suffer inside. It became a driving force of determination. I wanted to understand and heal the sorrow and sadness I seemed to drag around, no matter what was happening. Even when I was safe. That hidden stuff that kept me from knowing happiness and peace was always lingering, ready to take me down again. There was something inside of me pushing me towards finding my true Self. Who I AM. 

That was how I was led by Spirit, aka Higher Self, to meet my Shadow. That’s when I learned to not run away from my fear and took back my power. I found the healing I longed for.

It was in me all along.